Professional Development

Beauty, wisdom and talent are not enough, as I know only too well, in these over-regulated times, to be a success in business.

As working budgies, we have expectations of society, and society has expectations of us. There are two main strands I would like to consider with respect to mapping our career paths through these expectations.



This is where you prove your ability to handle complex theoretical concepts.

For example, someone who knows nothing about you or your work may make decisions about your intellectual ability on the basis of what you did during a particular two hours. This is very objective, and therefore such qualifications tend to have a very high prestige.

I would recommend getting as many academic qualifications as you can, particularly if you are going to pursue a literary career, as I have.

I am currently pursuing an A Level in Wiring and Soldering, although my coursework will have to be assessed by photograph.


This is where you prove your ability to perform in an environment similar to a real workplace.

For example, you may go to a college where you can copy other students' work and then have it assessed by a friend of yours from the year above who has been given a year's contract as a part-time lecturer.

This type of qualification is very practical. Whatever your career, it is always important to demonstrate that you have some practical ability.

I am currently pursuing a Foundation Level GNVQ in Philosophy of Science.

Award Your Own Qualifications

Who is obviously cleverer and better than anyone who has a qualification?

The answer is organisations, persons and budgies who award qualifications to others.

The Doreen Bird Academy of Arts, Technology and Witchcraft hopes to open for business in the near future, pending accreditation to offer various NVQs and other practical qualifications (by correspondence), ranging from Basic Hacking to Advanced Aerobatics. Anyone wishing to enrol now, and pay in advance, is welcome to do so. In fact, for a little extra I am happy to provide certificates immediately in subjects of your choice. Unfortunately, the qualifications I am legally able to offer at present are not widely recognised by employers, who are always behind the times.

Awarding Bodies

To find out more about suitable qualifications for budgies, either as a potential student or as a potential awarder, you should get in touch with one of the many Awarding Bodies.



Paying for Your Rights

Our ancestors (we are assured) fought long and hard for the right to lead a sedentary lifestyle in cages, allowing them to develop their intellectual skills.

This is something it is only too easy for budgies nowadays to take for granted. But our cages cannot be relied on. More and more often we are forced out of them, just when we have an important first draft deadline.

We can hardly imagine going back to the bad old days of living in trees and scavenging for seeds. But is it really so unlikely? Misguided "liberation" movements are threatening to set us free.

You can protect yourself by sending lots of money, to me, now. I promise to start up a campaign representing you all, however mad.

Join a Union

As a working budgie, you can so easily be exploited, when all you want to do is exploit others.

Whatever you do you need the backing of a union. I am a member of more than one union myself.

Because I feel that in all my work I am providing a vital service to the public, from which I gain little profit, I felt that I should be part of a public service union.

At the same time, as a telecommunications professional, I felt that I should be part of a union that brings together people, often so isolated, working in related technical fields.

You might suppose that there are more obvious professional guilds you could join, but they won't have me, so I am not going to mention them.

Legal Advice

If your career is anything like mine, you will need a lot of legal advice. Unions can help you a lot with this, but they have some annoying scruples when it comes to what they term "the indefensible" (whatever that means).

However, for a commission, I can put you in touch with some "hawks" (as they like to be known) who will make your competitors think differently about their disagreements with you.

General Advice